So I have always said that I have no desire to stay at home after I have kids. That I would just go back to work after my maternity leave...well, now I'm singing a different tune. I just don't know. I really want to stay home and be a Mom. I want to raise my kids. I don't want to have a baby sitter call me to say that he took his first steps today, or he said his first words. I want to be there for that! (Let me add that I do not think that there is ANYTHING wrong with being a working Mom...I just don't know if that's what I want to do). Eric is totally supportive, but I just don't know what to do. If I do stay home I will go back to work once the kid(s) are in school...but that's the problem. How hard is it to get a job after you've taken 5-9 years off??? I don't ever want to look back and say, "I wish I would have just stayed home," but I also don't want to have to say, well, we can't pay for your college because I chose to stay at home....see where I'm coming from? Did anyone else struggle with this decision or was it just an easy choice?
My second issue rattling around in my brain is "Will I be a good Mom?" It's funny because I am 150% confident that Eric is going to be such a good Dad/provider for our family; me on the other hand...not so sure. I don't know if this is a common worry or just me or what!
So basically these two things combined seem to be the never ending cycle of "Am I doing what's best for my child" and "Will I regret the decisions I have made." I seriously doubt there are many women out there they say, "If I had of just spent those extra hours at work my family would have been better."...I know it's the other way around, but it still troubles me.
I asked Eric if he is nervous or worried about the little guy joining us and he said no...he seems calm, cool, and collected about this whole thing....what's wrong with him? I mean I am stressed out because his room isn't completely finished! To be a man =)....I just feel as though I have this huge amount of pressure on my shoulders. If something goes wrong with my family it is because of a decision I will make....I want to be the best Mom/wife that I can be, but I feel like I am entering uncharted waters right now. Thoughts????
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Hey Alana! Congrats on the baby! I totally know what you are talking about. Chris and I don't plan on having kids for a couple more years but already I've started thinking about what to do. I've always thought that I want to be a stay at home mom for all the same reasons you do. But I also struggle with, will I lose myself in that. I'm praying for you right now that you will have wisdom in what to do! Also, you are going to be GREAT mom! Just the fact that you care so much to worry about it shows you will! :)
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