Dear Sweet Heisman:
I love you very much. You have provided me with countless hours of entertainment and companionship. I truly appreciate you allowing Mac to come and live with us for the past 17 months thereby taking over your home, your toys, and a lot of your attention. For this I am grateful. That being said, we need to have an open and frank discussion regarding our current sleeping situation. While I enjoy having a warm and hairy body to cuddle with each and every night I would like to ask you to modify a few of your not so desirable habits during the hours of 11pm-8am.
1. Please stop licking the soles of my feet every few hours
2. If you would like to use a pillow like the rest of the humans please let me know in advance instead of pushing me into to the corner of the bed where I wake up shivering at 3 am
3. If you must continue to snore and snort throughout the night, could you please do it facing away from me
4. If you must continue to allow gas to be released from your body throughout the night, could you please do it in the opposite direction
5. If you insist on sleeping under the covers, could you please find a way to get under them by yourself instead of waking me up to lift them for you
While I am sure there are other issues that need to be addressed, these seem to be the most pressing at this time. I would really appreciate one good 8 hour stretch of sleep. If you can please review this list, and abide by the rules I promise to give you a nice treat in the morning, and possibly keep Mac away from you for a good hour or two.
With Love,
Mom
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